CCST3K(Season Four)#31-The Bubblehead, The Jerk And The High School

Three fics by the Dragon, whose eyes are made of gold.

Seven fics by the Lovertoy, who makes us all feel sick.

Nine fics by hikaru shidou, who leaves Rayearth fans feeling cold

One fic that Eriol hopes will do the trick.

In Deep 13 where the shadows lie.

One fic to rule them all, one fic to find them.

One fic to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

In Deep 13 where the shadows lie.

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*

(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The future isn't what it used to be....)

"CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON FOUR)

EPISODE 31: THE BUBBLEHEAD, THE JERK AND THE HIGH SCHOOL (w/ short “True Search”)

(A Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing MSTing and a Shoujo Kakumei Utena MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment

purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or

trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

“Card Captor Sakura” and “CLAMP Campus Detectives” are trademarks of CLAMP and those who distribute them.

“Sailor Moon” is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and her distributors.

“Gundam Wing” is the property of Hajime Yadate, Yoshiyuki Tomino and a whole bunch of companies.

“Shoujo Kakumei Utena” is the property of Chiho Saito and the distributors of her work.

“The Bubblehead, The Jerk and the High School” is the property of Jayde Summers and is used with permission. “True Search” is the property of SparkleOfEngeryHeidi. I do not intend to offend them by making fun of their work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)

(Cue "Card Captor Science Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)

It's the not-too-distant future,

Last Sunday BC

There was this girl named Sakura

Quite different from you or me

She captured Clow Cards with her friends

All seen through Tomoyo’s camera lens

They tried to save the human race,

But Eriol lost his patience

So he shot them into space!!!!

Sakura: (Hoeeee……)

Syaoran and Tomoyo: (Now what?)

We'll send them crappy fanfics

The worst we can find  (lalala)

They'll have to sit and read them all

And we'll monitor their minds  (lalala)

Now keep in mind they can't control

When the fanfics begin or end  (lalala)

Because, let’s face it, after all

Eriol’s not really their friend;

CARD CAPTOR ROLL CALL:

Meiling:

'HI-KEEBA!!’

Tomoyo:

'Oh-hohohohohohoho!!!'

Syaoran:

'I do NOT blush! (blushes)'

KEROOOOOOO!!!

'I am the guardian of the hell!!'

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts  (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself

*It's just a MiST*

You should really just relax

For Card Captor Science Theater 3000!!!

THE CLAMP CAMPUS STUDENT COUNCIL-ELEMENTARY DIVISION OFFICE

14:25 Hours

Nokoro Imonoyama stood before the council office picture window, looking as much like an effeminate blonde CLAMP bishonen as was possible for a sixth grader. He snapped open a convenient Japanese fan in front of his face as Suoh Takamura read off the latest items on the Student Council agenda.

“By the way…” Suoh continued. “A couple of days ago, a Sonomi Daidouji wrote to us about a number of disappearances in Tomoeda.”

“Anno…” began Akira Iyujin, sounding slightly subdued for once. “Why would she write to us?”

Suoh shrugged. “Apparently she asked for help from the Chairman and she forwarded it to us. But recently, Miss Daidouji herself has disappeared as well.”

“Oh my!” said Akira, clapping his hands to his face. “That is quite serious!”

Suoh sweatdropped. “Well, in total six girls, three boys, two teachers and an old man have disappeared.”

Nokoro suddenly perked up. “Six girls, you say?”

‘Uh-oh…’Suoh thought.

Nokoro snapped the fan shut. “This cannot stand! These girls must be rescued and we will be the ones to do it!”

“Oh, brother…” Suoh muttered.

“Wow! That’s amazing, Kaichou!” Akira said, returning to his usual hyper cheerfulness. “But… where do we start?”

There was a sudden silence as Nokoro and Suoh sweatdropped.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

Sixteen year old Sakura Kinomoto paused momentarily in her work and looked up from the control panel for a brief moment.

“What’s wrong?” Tomoyo asked.

Sakura blinked. “Nothing… I just got this weird feeling someone was talking about us.”

“Yeah. And I probably know who it is…” Meiling muttered, her head propped up on her hands. “Dr. H is probably plotting something particularly nasty right about now. He’s been muttering nonsense about some guy named Pegasus or something for days now.”

Kero-chan, almost as if on cue, floated in followed by a half dozen of the satellite’s well-known living plushies who were carrying the goodies from Kero’s latest raid on the refrigerator. “I will admit the little twerp has been surly lately,” he said. “More so than usual anyway. It doesn’t help that you-know-who recently disappeared.”

“Nani?!” Meiling sat up. “Schlueter’s gone missing?!”

“Ever since that day he found Mutsumi Otohime unconscious just outside Deep 13,” said Tomoyo.

“I wonder where…” Meiling began just as the comm button from Deep 13 began to flash. “Uh oh! Marik Ishtar is calling!

“I’d better go wake Syaoran,” said Sakura as she headed off to retrieve the Chinese boy.

Syaoran Li had only managed to crawl into bed a few hours earlier after spending all night fixing yet another plushie related malfunction on the satellite. Several plushies had attempted to imitate Tea Gardener’s dance routine on one of the satellite’s control panels and fixing the ensuing chaos had been exhausting.

Sakura hated to wake him, but Eriol would insist on him being in the theater for the experiment.

“Syaoran-kun…” she called softly, but Syaoran just mumbled something before drifting off again. A small, sneaky Kitsune-esque smile came to Sakura’s face as she leaned in as close to Syaoran as she could get and whispered into his ear.

“Syaoran-kun… I’m taking a bath. Could you come and wash my back for me?”

Suddenly, Syaoran sat bolt upright. “Wha--?!” He looked around. “That wasn’t funny, Sakura-chan…” he muttered.

Sakura just giggled. “I’m sorry, dear. But Eriol is calling.”

“Lovely…” Syaoran grumbled.

DEEP 13

“And tell Kaho to widen the search area. Mutsumi’s probably got him hidden somewhere in Okinawa.” Dr Eriol Hiiragazawa, resident evil sorcerer and mad scientist was shouting a few final order into the phone before hanging up. “Ah! I see Pocky and Rocky have finally shown up. As you may have heard, the big boss, our resident fanboy has been abducted by one Mutsumi Otohime.”

“She doesn’t still think he’s Keitaro, does she?” Eriol’s assistant TV’s Ruby Moon inquired, looking up from her reading.

“No,” TV’s Spinel Sun, Eriol’s other assistant, replied. “But she seem to have grown somewhat attached to him anyway.”

“What’s the big deal?” Kero asked. “Let the fanboy have his fun.”

“As long as he’s not writing SI fics about it,” Meiling added.

“You let *me* deal with Schlueter, okay?” Eriol snapped. “Anyway, since my two goofball assistants have already demonstrated the card I was saving for this week, you may as well go.”

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“Our Clow card this week is for all those ‘Magic: The Gathering’ and ‘Yu-Gi-Oh’ fans out there.” Sakura began. “It allows you to not only put together a deck of any cards you wish, but you can also make new ones that will be universally added to all official cards lists so you won’t get caught cheating.”

“For better or worse,” said Syaoran. “We ended up calling it ‘The Card’.”

“What do you think, sirs?” Tomoyo asked.

DEEP 13

“You don’t want to know what I think,” Eriol replied. “Anyway, your fanfic this week is a one act play that was rehashed with Usagi Tsukino and Heero Yuy. Plus, there’s a Utena short in there somewhere. Put the hurt on them, Ruby Moon.”

“Umm… Sir…” said Ruby Moon as she fed the fanfic into the console. “About that *other* person…”

“Oh… Right.*Her*.” Eriol nodded as he shut the comm line.

THE SATELLITE OF LOVE

“I wonder who they were talking about,” Kero began.

Suddenly, alarms and sirens rang out.

“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sakura cried out.

(Door 6: It’s a giant Clow card. Sakura changes it into a Sakura card and it disappears.)

(Door 5: It’s a labyrinth. You smash through it with Kaho’s bell.)

(Door 4: It’s a waterfall. You freeze it and smash through.)

(Door 3: It’s a giant box of living plushies. It tips over and the plushies run off giggling.)

(Door 2: It’s a Venetian blind. You spend five minutes trying to get it to roll up before cutting through it with scissors.)

(Door 1: It’s made of concrete. The plushies come back with construction equipment and reduce it to dust.)

(Door .7: The camera pans downward to a teleporter pad. You step onto it and are suddenly surrounded by bright light..)

Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo are teleported directly into their seats while Kero-Chan floats overhead.

>True Search

Kero:<dramatic> The truth is out there…

Syaoran: A group of police officers continue to search for where Miki and Kozue hid all of Touga’s body parts after they killed him.

Sakura: Very dark, Syaoran-kun.

Syaoran: What can I say? I hate that redheaded SOB.

>Utena woke up. The bright sun hit her face.

Sakura:<Utena> OW! Stupid sun…

>As she got ready and walked downstairs she thought of somebody. See!

Tomoyo: See what?

Syaoran: Ummm… Going to tell us who she was thinking of, fanfic?

>All the guys (and girls) at school love her, but she can not love them back.

Kero: That job was reserved for Touga and Kozue.

Sakura: Kero!

Kero: What? It’s true!

>She walked down stairs and found a note. It said:

Tomoyo:<note> Dear internet user…

>"Utena-sama. I need to pick up food. Be back soon."

Sakura:<Anthy> Assuming no one decides to stop and slap me around for no reason.

>Utena knew it was Antsey's handwriting, acually that is the only person she talked to lately.

Kero: “Antsey”?! The HELL?!

Syaoran: It can be either Anthy or Anshii, okay? That’s it.

Tomoyo: Antsey… Makes her sound like the nervous type, huh?

>She got ready for a long walk.

Sakura: And we got ready for a looooooooooooooong fic.

>At the same time a young boy was also getting ready for a walk. He was looking for a "Shinging Thing".

Kero: “Shinging thing”?! Dear GOD…

Tomoyo: Having finally found his “shining thing”, Miki moved onto his next goal…

Syaoran: He should try his sword. <Syaoran draws his sword with a loud “shiiiing”> See?

>Then found it in Antsey.

Sakura: So Antsey was the shinging thing.

Kero: It’s the life story of Mikey Krowou here at Otohime Acedemy!

>Still, this young boy did not feel complete. "I still need something". He thought to himself, clicking his stopwatch.

Syaoran:<rolling his eyes> Of course…

Kero:<Miki> I still need to get my mojo working somehow.

>Utena was walking calmly around the area.

Sakura: The area?

Tomoyo: Could we be a little more vague?

>So was Miki this young boy. While he played with his stopwatch, he noticed it broke.

Kero: So he reached into his pocket and pulled out his backup stopwatch.

>"Oh Crap!" he said. Then looked up:

Tomoyo: Uh… Since when does Miki swear?

Sakura: I wish this fanfic was looking up.

>"Utena-sempai!?" he said surprized.

Syaoran:<Miki> I haven’t seen you in… eight hours!

Kero:<Miki> I thought you were Dale!

>As he felt a piece comming toards him.

Syaoran:<Miki> HEY! Who’s throwing guns at me?!

>It was weird. It was what he was looking for.

Kero:<Miki> WALDO!

>"Hello, Miki-kun" said Utena, but she felt something. She felt like her heart was squeezing. It was painful but comfotable.

Kero: ARGHHHHHHHH!!! The spelling in this fic… it’s… ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Tomoyo:<Utena> URK! Heart attack! Ohhh… How WONDERFUL!!

Sakura: What’s she getting all worked up about? She sees Miki on a regular basis, why is she getting heart fribulations now?

Syaoran: Anthy’s leftover curry for breakfast? How should I know?

>"Where are you going?" asked Miki. Utena looked around "Just for a short walk. Why?". Miki looked toards the ground and kicked a stone, "No reason! >Hey Utena-sempai can I ask you a question?". "All right" she answered back. Miki looked up, he felt his face being red "Can you play the piano with me?"

Kero: So that’s what they call it these days.

Sakura: Kero!

Syaoran: Okay. We’ve got the stopwatch, the shining thing and the piano. Now all we need is Kozue yelling at Utena for talking to Miki and the clichés are covered.

Tomoyo: Well, if she’s already in the music room when they get there, I’m leaving.

>"The Piano?" said Utena shocked!

Kero: She was so shocked they needed an exclamation point at the end of her adjective!

Sakura:<Utena> I remember that movie. Weird, disturbing stuff…

Tomoyo: More weird and disturbing than everyday life at Ohtori Academy?

Syaoran: Ouch!

>"Yes" he said. Utena accepted it.

Tomoyo:<Utena> This ‘yes’ should do just fine.

>They walked to the piano room. It was dark and only a gleem of light came in.

Sakura: Just then, Utena tripped over the piano bench and landed on top of Miki. And then who should be at the door but Touga, Kozue and Juri! Wackiness ensued.

Kero:<Touga> Wow! I only thought he tried this kind of thing with Juri.

Syaoran:<Juri> What was *THAT*?

Kero: ACK!

Tomoyo: Li-kun, you’re *way* too good at that.

>Utena sat in front of the piano, her mind was oblivious. She did not know what to do. Even though she was clueless she put her hands on the keys. >Then she felt warm hands touch hers. They were Miki's hands. "May I help you?", he asked. Miki moved Utena's fingers so she could play a song.

Sakura: No one will be seated during the thrilling piano lesson scene.

Tomoyo:<Utena> Gee… He actually uses the music room for music. Go figure!

Sakura: Tomoyo-chan…

>After the song:

Syaoran: What song?

Kero: This story gets any more vague and it’ll cease to exist.

>"Arigato! Miki-kun", said Utena.
>
>"Utena-sempai.."
>
>"Yes?"

Syaoran:<Miki> You’re standing on my foot.

>"I think you are my true shigning thing. I think you are the one I am searching for.."

Syaoran:<Miki> Or was that Spock… I can’t remember.

Kero: Well, that makes sen--HUH?!

>"Miki-kun. I think I am in love with you too."

Kero: THE HELL?!

Sakura: Well, that came pretty much out of left field, didn’t it?

Syaoran:<Miki> All this time I thought I was supposed to be looking for a dark-skinned, glasses wearing subservient doormat with short purple hair when I was actually looking for a brash, fair skinned, would-be tomboy with long pink hair. Silly me.

Tomoyo: Well, it’s an easy mistake to make, you know.

>Now both the young boy and the pink haired girl felt complete. They are never again to be empty inside.

Tomoyo: Uh, yeah. Whatever you say, fanfic.

Kero: Well, pink haired girl, blue haired boy; I guess it makes sense.

Sakura and Syaoran:<Utena and Miki> Then we have our answer! We’re walking on air!

Tomoyo: That crashing sound you just heard was the Utena canon storyline being shattered into millions of pieces. Please remain calm.

Kero: Kozue is going to be so pissed… Come to think of it, so will almost everybody else.

Sakura: Hang on to your hats, guys! Here comes the second feature.

> The Bubblehead, The Jerk and The High School

Kero: The story of Tom Servo’s days touring Ohtori Academy with Saionji.

>DISCLAIMER: I do not own either Usagi from Sailor Moon or Heero from Gundam so no suing is permitted.

Sakura:<author> Because *I* said so, dammit!

Kero: Well, that makes sen-- HUH?!

Tomoyo: Do the courts know about this?

>Author's Note: This is the first play that I have ever written, so if it is a little peculiar, it's because

Syaoran:<author>…I was reading a lot of Neil Simon and drinking heavily.

>I had to write for an English project. I found the errors that I missed the first time, and I apologize for the mistakes,

Kero:<author> And I’ve already heard enough bitching from the Prof. so just LAY OFF!

>Sarah was supposed to be Usagi and Elijah was supposed to be Heero.

Sakura: Starring Sarah Michelle Gellar as Usagi Tsukino and Elijah Wood as Heero Yuy!

Tomoyo:<Lionel Dark> Woo-hoo! YES!

Syaoran: Co-starring Freddie Prinze Jr. as Quatre, Duo and Wufei, not that you’ll be able to tell the difference.

Kero: And a cameo by Quentin Tarantino for no real reason.

>I was soooooo embarrassed when I performed this for my class! >.<

Syaoran: …with no help.

Sakura:<author> Playing both Usagi and Heero during the love scenes was REALLY hard.

> Scene One

Tomoyo: The curtain rises on a bedroom in the Juuban district, where Usagi Tsukino rolls over in her sleep and crashes to the floor.

Kero: Moments later she’s screaming “What the hell are you doing in my house, you perverts?!”

> On a street in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo.

Syaoran:<dramatic> Down these mean streets a man must walk who is not mean…

Kero:<dramatic> A man in a long black trench coat prowls through the pouring rain. He meets a lone figure and whispers to him, “The swallows fly at midnight…”

> Enter Usagi.

Sakura:<dramatic> Enter The Rabbit: The True Story Of Ryo-Ohki.

Tomoyo: That’s *cabbit*, Sakura-chan.

>Usagi: (running in on stage and then jogs on the spot)Oh no! I'm late for school again!

Kero: Well, maybe if you were actually GOING somewhere.

Sakura:<Usagi> Who put this treadmill in the sidewalk?!

>Why do I always have to sleep in so late?! My teacher's gonna have my head on a platter.

Syaoran: Why? Is your new teacher Salome or something?

>(Looks at watch and screams)I'm later than I thought! HURRY! (Runs off stage)

Kero:<Dr. Bill Cortner> I’ve got to hurry.

Tomoyo: Her head may not end up on a platter but it may end up in a pan.

>(Enter Heero walking down the street with one hand stuffed in his pocket and the other hand holding a rather thick textbook.)

Tomoyo:<Heero, singing> I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other is holding a text book.

Kero:<shudders> Heero singing Alanis… Scary.

Syaoran:<glancing at the textbook> Mobile Suit Piloting For Dummies…

>
>Heero: There's no use in hurrying, if I have to be late, then I have to be late.

Syaoran:<Heero> Screw education! Screw punctuality!

Kero: Just so long as he’s not screwing Duo.

Sakura: URK!! KERO!!

>(Re-enter Usagi, wailing and running as fast as she can.)

Tomoyo: Wrong direction, stupid! You were just here!

Sakura:<Usagi> This is the last time I take directions from that guy with the orange and black bandana.

>Usagi: Late! Late! Late! (Spots Heero) Hey you, get out of the way!

Tomoyo:<Usagi>I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date!

Kero: Great. Now she’s turned into Miyuki-chan.

Sakura:<Miyuki> Where am I?! Who are these weirdoes?! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

>(Usagi collides with Heero. He falls to the ground.)

All:<muted trumpet imitation> Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaaaaaah…

Syaoran: Well, she did tell him to get out of the way.

>Heero: (shakes head)Would you watch where you're going?!

Tomoyo:<Usagi> No.

Sakura:<Usagi> Hey! I told you to move, dumb ass! Now beat it!

>
>Usagi: (starts to cry) Owwwwie! That hurt! Why don't you learn to walk again you big dummy! (Gets up an runs hearing the second warning bell) Oh no! Now >I'm really late! (Runs off screaming)

Kero:<Usagi> And… I’M ON FIREEE!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

>
>Heero: What a weird kid. (Resumes reading book and walks off stage)

Syaoran: You’re one to talk, freak show.

Sakura: Syaoran-kun…

Syaoran: I’ll never understand what Relena saw it that twerp.

> Scene Two

Kero: Our heroine enters the school and suddenly realizes that it is Saturday.

> Outside in the hall in Otaku Academy

Sakura: Not to be confused with Anime Academy or Ohtori Acedemy or…

> Usagi is standing in the hall because she was sent out in the hall for being late.

Syaoran: Ah, the joys of bucket holding duty.

Tomoyo:<Usagi> Ahhh… Bucket!

Sakura: Really, Tomoyo-chan.

>Usagi: "It's not my fault!" I said to the teacher. But did Sensai believe me?! Of course not!

Kero:<Usagi> Dammit! How dare he question my honesty!

Sakura: Well, what really matters is what the “sensei” thought of it

>It's true though, it really wasn't my fault. I had honestly set my alarm clock for two hours before I was supposed to leave for school and even turned the ringer up >really loud so I would get up.

Syaoran: I guess her laziness was so bad she had to bring in a ringer.

Tomoyo: That was *bad*, Syaoran-kun

>But it didn't work! I woke up at the same time as I always do.

Sakura:<Usagi> Maybe plugging it *in* would have helped.

>"Why didn't my alarm go off?!" I shouted.

Kero: Only to feel really stupid when I realized that it was an inanimate object and couldn’t hear me.

>So I looked up and saw that my alarm clock was broken into a million little pieces. I can't believe that I broke my alarm clock!

Syaoran: Apparently, when hitting the snooze button, Usagi accidentally used the Bakusai Tenketsu.

Tomoyo: So *that’s* why she keeps getting lost! She’s turned into Ryoga!

Sakura:<Usagi> Can you tell me which way it is to the Hino Temple?

>Hey, wait a minute! Maybe my cat broke it! She's such a clumsy little thing.

Sakura: Luna? Broke an alarm clock into a million pieces?

Tomoyo:<Luna> NOTHING disturbs my catnaps and LIVES!!

>(Laughs, puts hand on the back of her head.) But I still honestly believe that it was not my fault.

Sakura:<Usagi> It was those pesky invisible flying elves, I tell ya!

>(Stomach growls and Sarah wines) I'm hungry!

Syaoran: Sarah wines and dines and paints the town red!

Kero: Sarah? Who’s that?

Tomoyo: Usagi’s alter ego in this fic, remember?

Sakura: Usagi is the character formerly known as Sarah.

>(Enter Heero)

Kero: No thanks. I don’t go in for that sort of thing.

>Heero: Do you mind telling your stomach to keep it down? You and your vacuum cleaner of a stomach are disturbing the rest of the class! (Exit)

Tomoyo: Usagi’s stomach provided by Hoover.

Sakura: No, no! Her mouth is the vacuum. Her stomach is a bottomless pit.

>Usagi: (Steams pours out of her ears)

Syaoran: Every other week, Usagi rented her head out as a kettle.

Kero: Not like she’s doing anything else with it.

>Why you little - you take that back! Baka. But a cute one. (Eyes turn into hearts) Those eyes!

Sakura:<Usagi, screaming> THE EYES!!! THE EYYYYYEEEES!!

Tomoyo: Woah! Did someone get the license plate number of that mood swing?

Syaoran: Even “Hotaru Goes To Hogwarts” didn’t have this kind of romantic whiplash.

>(Sighs) To tell you the truth, I had never seen such a romantic shade of blue. And those arms, there so (giggles) well skinny,

Kero: Such girlie arms. We need to *pump* *you* *up*!

Tomoyo: I thought Heero had green eyes.

Syaoran: Maybe he just owns a lot of colored contacts.

>but he's soooooooooooooo cute! Oh, what am I gonna do?!

Sakura: Act clumsy, same as always.

Kero: Ouch!

>Teacher: (inside classroom) Usagi! You can come in now!

Kero:<teacher> Humiliating you isn’t any fun if we can’t watch.

Sakura: Kero!

>Usagi: (groans) Here we go again! Back to school time. But I'm still hungry!

Syaoran: Ummm… Okay.

Kero: What does this have to do with the plot?

Tomoyo:<Usagi> FEED ME, SEYMOUR!!

>(Exit)

Kero: Hey, baby! What’s your sign?

Tomoyo: Exit. Try using it.

> Scene Three

Sakura:<Usagi> Geez… Hotaru gets to go to Hogwarts and I end up here. That’s it! I’m calling my agent!

> A classroom in Otaku Academy

Sakura: Kaoru Kamiya wipes out the kendo club for kicks.

Tomoyo: Koalla Su’s latest invention destroys the auditorium.

Syaoran: Asuka Langely Sohryu has Shinji Ikari in a headlock.

Kero: Tamayo Mizaki is handing out more nicknames.

Sakura: Another mysterious character has shown up looking for Ranma.

Tomoyo: The CLAMP Campus Detectives are busy trying to find the plot.

Syaoran: Tenchi tries to break up another fight between Ayeka and Ryoko.

Sakura: Jinnai engages in another round of maniacal laughter.

Syaoran: Lina Inverse eats all the food in the cafeteria.

Tomoyo: Dilandau sets fire to the faculty lounge.

Kero: And Belldandy and Keiichi are having lunch in the park again.

> Bell rings for next class to begin.

Syaoran:<ominous> Do not ask for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.

> Enter Usagi, Heero and classmates.

Kero: Not that damn pop-up ad AGAIN!! For the last time, I don’t give a damn about old people from high school!!

Sakura: Nameless extras, stage left.

>Usagi: Oh great! Today we get our tests back. I hope I passed this one. I just had too.

Syaoran:<Juri Arisugawa> There are no such things as miracles.

Sakura:<sweatdrops>Please stop doing that, Syaoran-kun. It’s creepy.

>Heero: Keep it down will ya! You're talking too loud. So loud in fact that my eardrums have a headache.

Kero: Ha, ha, ha! Kill me.

Tomoyo: This fanfic has the kind of humor that makes you want to put your eyes out.

>Usagi: Don't you have anything nice to say?! You don't have to be so rude all the time!

Syaoran:<Heero> Yes, I do. I’m a heartless bastard who blows up little girls and their puppies, remember?

Tomoyo: That wasn’t deliberate, Li-kun.

Syaoran: I still don’t like him.

>Heero: Well you don't have to whine and complain all the time!

Sakura: Wasn’t this a scene in “The Unearthly”?

Kero:<Tor Johnson> Time for go to class.

>Usagi: So what! I'm not perfect and neither are you!

Kero:<Jack Lemmon> You don’t understand, Osgoode! I’m a man!

Tomoyo:<Joe E. Brown> Well, nobody’s perfect.

>Heero: (Gives Usagi a cold glare)Grow up, you little brat.

Kero: Oh, another graduate of the Syaoran School Of Glowering.

Syaoran: Zip it, plushie.

>(Usagi slaps Heero across the face)

Kero:<Heero> Hey! I’m not Anthy!

Syaoran: Yes! Hit him again!

Sakura: Syaoran-kun…

>Usagi: Is that grown up enough for you?

Tomoyo: Yeah. Physical abuse is so grown up.

Sakura: No wonder Marrissa Picard grew up so fast!

>You're very mean and not many people want you around because of this. The things you've said to many of your classmates are disrespectful and you have a >knack for making people cry. Did you even think of the consequences of what you were saying before you said them?! Did you ever consider that?!

Kero:<Heero> Duhhh… No.

Tomoyo:<sniggers> Our “Heero”, ladies and gentlemen!

>You may be cute and all, but you're a real jerk! You are the one who needs to grow up!

Syaoran:<Heero> I don’t wanna grow up! I’m a Toys R’ Us kid!

>(Heero begins to rub his sore cheek.)

Kero:<Heero a la Xellos> Could you do that again, but harder?

Sakura: Kero!

>Usagi: I had no idea. Sarah, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Tomoyo: What the--?!

Sakura: I thought Usagi *was* Sarah.

Syaoran: But then… Who is she talking to?

Kero: Someone else in the scene? I dunno.

Tomoyo: But then, who’s Sarah?

Sakura: Oh, what the hell…

All: THIRD BASE!!

>Usagi: (smiles) Did you do this kind of thing at your old school too? I don't mean to prod or anything. Its just that I'd like to be your friend.

Sakura:<Usagi> Hitting people is how I show friendship!

>Heero: I...I...I...Usagi, you don't want to be my friend. (Runs away)

Kero:<Heero> You just want to beat me up, you big bully!<starts sobbing>

>Usagi: Heero...only when you're ready for a friend.

Tomoyo:<Usagi> Only then will I truly kick your ass.

>(Exit)

Sakura: Stage right or stage left?

> Scene Four

> Outside in the hall of Otaku Academy

Kero:<hums the “Police Academy” theme>

Tomoyo: Now that’s just cruel.

> Enter Heero.

Sakura: I sense a dramatic speech ahead. Anyone up for some Kibo work?

Kero: YES!

>Heero: I can't be friends with

Tomoyo: …Duo since he’s too busy obsessing over…

>Usagi; not yet. I'd like to be her friend, really I would. But I never even knew that there were co-ed

Kero: …dorms in my previous…

>academies. I only dreamed of going to school with girls. Then my family moved from Odaiba to Shinjuku and everything changed. I came from an all boys school >over there and we never even had a female

Syaoran: …come within fifty feet of the place. And sometimes I wonder if there was a single qualified…

>teacher in the history of the school. We never had any dances at all and we dreamed of having girls on the campus. But when there were girls on the campus, we

Sakura: …acted like total morons until we…

>were all ushered off into the dorms or sent home. So I don't know how to act around them.

Syaoran: When actually Heero just can’t act.

>(Enter Usagi)

Kero: Usagi snuck up behind Heero with a length of garrote wire in her hands. This story only required one obnoxious lead.

>I don't see what Usagi likes about me. I've been so rude to everyone here and she wants to be my friend?! I feel so weird when I'm around here. She's so >bubbly, so energetic, Usagi makes me laugh all the time. Why am I talking like this again?

Kero: Damned if we know.

Tomoyo: Who was Heero’s dialogue coach? Nanami Kiryuu?

>Usagi: You're shy around girls?

Kero:<Heero> GAH!! Don’t DO that!!

>(Heero looks up)

>Why didn't you say so?

Tomoyo: Gee… I don’t know. Maybe he was afraid of being seen as a pathetic weenie?

Syaoran: I think he’s already there.

>Heero: I was too nervous to say anything.

Sakura: The man responsible for saving the world, ladies and gentlemen.

Tomoyo: We are *so* doomed.

>
>Usagi: Tell ya what, Heero. I'll be your friend, but only when you're ready. I can't force you into anything, but I'm there for you if you need me. You know, >someone to talk to, and all that other stuff that friends do for each other.

Kero: Someone to beat you senseless when you act like an idiot.

Syaoran: So he’ll be dead in, what? Two hours?

>
>Heero: (stands up and smiles) Thank you, Usagi. I think I'm ready for that friend.

Tomoyo:<Usagi> Oh. You thought I was serious?

Sakura:<Usagi> Great! I’ll get that baseball bat. I hope you have good insurance.

>(Exit)

Syaoran: Uh… Guys. Classes aren’t over yet… Guys!

Kero:<Tea Gardener> Let’s take this to the bathroom!

Sakura: I knew I was going to regret letting Aeoruuk send us that quote.

> The End

Kero: Well said!

Meiling looked up from her magazine as Sakura and the others exited the theater. “Done already?”

“Apparently,” Sakura replied. She took a seat next to Meiling and let out an exhausted sigh. “It was nice to have something short after the marathon that was ‘Hotaru Goes To Hogwarts’.”

“Yeah. That one had too much stuff, but these fics are way too threadbare.” Tomoyo added. “Especially in ‘True Search’. I mean, that whole Utena/Miki thing more or less came out of left field, didn’t it?”

“That’s putting it mildly,” muttered Syaoran.

“By the way,” said Meiling. “They sent us a crate through the umbilliport earlier.”

“Oh?” Sakura seemed curious. Yue came in with a rather large crate on a dolly. Stamped on the side were “Property Of SquareSoft Co.”, “Commandeered By The Clow Reed Institute For Evil Magic and Mad Science” and “Handle With Care (or else!)”.

“Any idea what it is?” asked Kero.

The others shrugged. Syaoran fetched his sword and used it to start prying the box open.

“I wonder what it could be?” said Tomoyo. “Property of SquareSoft, huh?”

There was a loud crack as the side of the crate broke loose and a comatose, swirly-eyed Aeris Gainsborough fell out into Syaoran’s arms. “What the--?” he began.

“This can’t be good,” said Sakura.

“Not for her anyway,” said Kero.

DEEP 13

“We’ll just leave her up there for a while, I think” Eriol said with a triumphant smirk. “A few experiments should teach her not to unload that Harry Potter twerp on me.”

“She’s going to kick his ass when she gets back,” Spinel Sun whispered to Ruby Moon.

“Yeah,” Ruby Moon whispered back. “We’d better steer clear of him when that happens. No sense in us getting whacked too.”

Spinel nodded in agreement as Ruby Moon leaned over and pressed the button.

MEANWHILE…

“Any luck yet, senpai?” Suoh asked.

“Not yet…”Nokoro replied.

THE REAL END

(Feel free to hum ‘Catch You, Catch Me’ as the credits roll.)

Well, it’s finally finished. Much later than I had originally anticipated too. <sweatdrop> Anyway, first of all, I’d like to thank my classmate Jayde Summers (not her real name) who, when she found out about my MSTings asked me to take a run at one of her fics. I hope she enjoys the final product.

I hope *some* of you got the CCD segments, I just happened to be watching that series around the same time I was writing the host segments. Also, Aeris will be around for a while. Im hoping her temporary presence will be alright with all you readers out there.

To all Escaflowne fans, be alert ‘cause I will finally be MSTing an Escaflowne fic in episode 32

‘Til next time!

-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

Season One:

1) The Brain From Planet Arous-A Ranma ½ Fic By Ryoucilo

2) The Mike Rhea Anthology-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea

(Loves Me, Loves Me Not/ Akane Gets Drained/ Konatsu’s First Kiss)

3) Neon Ranma Evangelion-A Ranma ½ /Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By Khyron Kingkiller

4) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

5) Stolen-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

6) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

7) The True Power Of Love-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By poshul

8) Marco Polo-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

9) Madison’s Mystery Crush-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Chocolat*

10) Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker

Season Two:

11) The Next Generation-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By JimAndZazu

12) Caught In The Act-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Second Sailor Destiny

13) The Shadow Leaders-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker

14) Shinji’s Alter-Ego-A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By John82

15) Sailor Jupiter Vs. Godzilla-A Sailor Moon Fic By Flashman (Christian A. Rogers)

16) Temples, Captors And Knights (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura/Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By Syaoran’s Lovertoy

17) No Need For CardCaptors-A Tenchi Muyo/Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Christina Horton

18) Temples, Captors And Knights (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura/Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By Syaoran’s Lovertoy

19) Mother, May I [Take Over The World]-A Pokemon Fic By Mallet Boy

20) Syaoran: Romeo… Not Really-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By Golden Eyed Dragon

Season Three:

21) Harry Potter And the Pantie Raiders-A Harry Potter Fic By Ice Blue X

22) The Unforgettable Promise-A Love Hina Fic By KenshinRC

23) To Find My Dad And Have A Family-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By MoshiMoshiQueen

24) Revolutionary Girl Asuka-A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By Joyce K. Wakabayashi

25) A Dream Come True-A CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Crystalina Rhapsody Draco

26) The Only Constant-A Star Trek: The Next Generation Fic By Stephen Ratliff

27) The Lionel Dark Anthology-Card Captor Sakura(CardCaptors)/Lord Of The Rings Fics By Lionel Dark

(Signs That Say You’re Like Lionel Dark/ More Signs The You’re Like Elle/ The Scythe Carrier)

28) The Ranma ½ Cast Does CCS-A Ranma ½/CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Matthew Cline

29) Megamon X-A Pokemon/Megaman X Fic By Brock Shale

30) Hotaru Goes To Hogwarts-A Sailor Moon/Harry Potter Fic By Saturn Angels

Season Four:

31) The Bubblehead, The Jerk And The High School-A Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing Fic By Jayde Summers

(w/ short True Search-A Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By SparkleOfEnergyHeidi)

Deep Fried SPAM:

1) Why Not Make A Little Money While Surfing The Net

2) Now Offering For Your “Sensitive” Delight… New And Improved!

Specials:

-Christmas Special-Under The Mistletoe/Tsubasa Gets What He Deserves-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea

-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 1-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama

-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 2-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama

Other MSTings:

Totally Spies Theater 3000:

Season One:

1) What If Meowth Was A Girl?-A Pokemon Fic By Dr. Thinker

2) Sailor Trigger-A Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger Fic By Sailor Koban

(w/ short BB Hood’s Rampage-A DarkStalkers Fic By FlamingSmileyFace)

>Heero: Keep it down will ya! You're talking too loud. So loud in fact that my eardrums have a headache.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations

reserved.

Keep Circulating The Fanfics....